New Additions to the Cast – Part 2
You ever have one of those moments where you’re forced to sit back and contemplate where you went wrong with your life? That’s kind of the situation I’m dealing with this afternoon. The burning question, in my case, being: How did I become one of those tedious idiots who puts pictures of his cats on his website? What horrible error could have led me this far astray? I suspect this is some kind of cosmic penance I’m being forced to endure, to make up for the cat I beat to death with a shovel.
I guess the first item would be the announcement that there are now 3 kittens. Yeah, that’s right. 3 kittens. No, I didn’t just miscount or anything. Vicki was out working in the front yard a few weeks ago when she heard a feline crying from across the road. She thought there might have been something wrong with one of our existing 4 cats, so she went over to check it out, and now we have 5 cats. 2 highly unhappy adult females, and 3 male kittens.
That’s Vicki’s story, anyway. I kind of suspect she was jealous that I got to rescue these cute kittens while her and Marshall were gallivanting all over South Dakota, so she waited until I was at work one day and stole one from a neighbor. Probably a senior citizen neighbor. In fact, she probably stole it from a sweet little old lady with no relatives or friends, who is bedridden and blind, that counted on this kitten to read her the newspaper every day. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this kitten was probably the sole source of joy in that poor woman’s life. But when Vicki gets an idea in her head, what are you going to do, you know?We named the new one Sycamore, and he’s doing great now, but it was touch and go there for a bit. Starved of course, and the poor little bastard had the worst flea infestation I’ve ever seen. I know that probably sounds minor, but a bad enough case of fleas can actually kill a kitten, and Sycamore definitely had it bad enough. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t rest, and couldn’t really even eat. Fortunately a dose of Frontline® cleared up the fleas, and he’s been putting on weight steadily ever since.
But you know what’s really weird? The weird thing is that if Hemlock, Sassafras and Sycamore didn’t all come from the same litter, I’ll eat my hat. Sycamore is all black, and the other two are black and white, but other than that they’re identical. Same age, same build, same eyes and ears, similar temperament, you name it – and I just don’t know how to explain that. Either Sycamore lived on his own in the wild for a month (which I think is highly unlikely) or else the shithead who dumped the first two came back and dumped the third one in the same spot 5 weeks later.
So anyway, there’s the update. Everybody’s healthy and happy – except me, anyway. I’d forgotten how much of a pain in the ass male kittens are compared to females. I swear, it’s like having a three-way wrestling match going on 24 hours a day. They’re breaking shit, spilling shit, knocking shit over, and just generally raising hell on a more-or-less constant basis. I finally just gave up entirely on cleaning up my office space, because I got tired of having to re-clean every 4 hours. I’ll just let it remain a disaster until they grow out of the ‘playful’ phase, I guess.